So the song by Green Day - The Time of your life - I really love that song. But I was really listening to the words the other day and realized I am not living the "TIME" of my life. My mind has been just be going and going lately. I wake up at around 2 every night and don't fall back to sleep, I feel like I am a walking zombie! I want so many different things in my life, I'll keep atleast 4 of things I currently have ~ Dan, Emily, Hannah and Benjamin but I want to simplify my life. My life currently feels like it is a downward spiral and I am not sure how much longer I can go on like this. I am having real problems working a Monday - Friday 8ish to 5ish job. I feel like I am such a failure to my little guy. Benjamin is always asking me why I don't come and read in his class like all the other Mommies. I have tears in my eyes right now blogging this. I have been there for him his whole life and now we are such financial ruins at the moment that I have to work every second I can. I want to be there for my my guy and the girls. I haven't done anything for them at school this year and that is hard, that is not me. I am the one that is the PTA president, not currently, but, the Mom involved and in the school. I want to sell our house, no, I don't want to sell our house I know we need to sell our house. I want to move back to the area where we came from so Benjamin can go to another school - a school where I feel comfortable and loved. Every new year I think I'll get better and send birthday cards out on time. I'll lose that 50 pounds this year. We will eat healthier. I will read the Bible or a devotional daily. I will, I will, I will. I DON'T! I don't follow through with squat, I am tired of this. I want more from my life. Should I go back to school, I feel like the biggest loser in the world for not having a degree. (but then I did see a special last week on 20/20 and there is a lot of talk that a degree isn't always the right thing for everyone). UGH! I am about to explode. I am not having a mid life crisis, I am opening my eyes and realizing how things need to change. Need to simplify!
Sorry this is such a depressing post! I had to get it out!